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Repost:I met my wife in a commercial vehicle

leadership

We Met In A Commercial Vehicle’

Andrew Essien

— Feb 27, 2015 | 0 Comments

Love, they say, comes in different ways and forms. Some find it in their offices, others bump into it under the mango tree in their villages, and some are even arranged. For Barrister and Mrs Ogugua Ojeh from Delta and Akwa Ibom states, respectively, love was found in a commercial vehicle on their way from Bauchi eighteen years after, with three lovely children, they still look at each other with so much attarction’. They spoke to ANDREW ESSIEN.  

How long have you been married?

We’ve been married since 1997 and that makes us 18 years in marriage this year. (They both look at themselves and smile broadly). We met on the 21st of February 1996 and got married about 18 months thereafter.

 

How did you both meet?

I met her in Bauchi in 1996. I was living in Kano at the time and, incidentally ,she was living in Kano too. I went to Bauchi to do a case and at the end of the matter; I went to the motor park to get a car back to Kano. As I made to board, I saw a young lady seated in the taxi reading a book. So, I put my bag in and when I boarded, I found myself sitting right beside her. On instinct, I do what I usually don’t do. I turned and said ‘hello’, she responded with a smile and we started talking. On our way out of the town, the driver stopped to buy fuel and I used the opportunity to buy two bottles of yoghurt and offered both to her. She was surprised at my very generous disposition (general laughter).

All the way, we continued talking and I was surprised that she could answer my questions candidly, there were no airs and I never felt she was pretending or lying. In fact I was surprised at the openness and willingness with which she attended to me. The clincher for me was when I asked her where she stayed and she told me she was living on ‘Unity Road’ and interestingly I was living on a street off Unity Road. That was really something. (Laughter)

(She interjects) I was the one that stopped a cab to convey me home. I mentioned the name of my street and he said he was living there too. I thought to myself, how can he be living on my street and our paths have never crossed? I thought he was trying to be funny.

 

How did he propose to you? Did he kneel down at a public place or something?

(Laughter as he quickly interjects) I am not given to dramas but I get by.

(She comes in) he is not the type. Even though he is a practical person, he is not given to drama. I made sure I demanded for it, he made sure that no one was there when he did it and if you must know, it was behind the staircase (general laughter).

 

Eighteen years down the line, if you had the opportunity to change anything about your husband, what will that be?

I truly don’t like him getting worried. When my husband has something going on in his life that he didn’t plan for, and he is not given to discoursing issues as they come, he ponders over it a long time. He will eventually come around to sharing it with me but it takes a long time. He will rather deal with it himself and that gets me uncomfortable. I will like him to open up easily like it is being said, a problem shared is half solved. Aside from that, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I also found out that with men, sometimes, they want to be left alone and they might not be able to put what is disturbing them into words immediately but after a while, they come around. Other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing about him.

He says… There are few things I wish I could change if I had the power but the truth is that I am not perfect. Therefore, I have learnt to live with my wife the way she is. My wife is beautiful and sophisticated and you will expect everything around her to be perfect. But it is not so. If there is a shoe laying in the door way, my wife can walk over it and enter the room. Don’t get me wrong, she is a neat person but there are certain things you will expect a person this sophisticated to do as a matter of urgency but my wife could pass it and do other things and wouldn’t feel any sense of urgency. She is a sanguine in nature. I will like a situation where everything is arranged and nothing is out of place, but my wife believes that the world would not come to an end just because the house is not arranged. (Laughter). I have learnt that we are all different and over the years, this has not been a problem anymore. I come in from work and remove my clothing and then immediately put everything where it belongs and my wife would come and remove her clothes and could leave some on the bed and walk away. Many times, I will gather her things and put away for her. With time, we have learnt to laugh at these things. I think the secret is that we have learnt to be patient with one another. I don’t demand the impossible from her.

She cuts in… I come from a background where I had siblings and we virtually share everything but my husband comes from a background where everything was done in a particular way. Sometimes, I feel like this makes life monotonous and uninteresting. I can easily predict the way my husband will react to a matter. In fact I remember the first time I went to his house, immediately I was done with the cup, he took it, washed it and put it in its place. I had to ask myself if this is the kind of man I would wish to live with for the rest of my life but we have learnt to adjust, love, forgive and to accommodate each other.

 With the high rate of divorce cases in our society, what would be your advice to couples and, indeed, intending couples?

As a lawyer, I have dealt with this kind of cases; I have seen couples who sought divorce in a marriage that is less than one year old. I have counselled some and to the glory of god, they pardoned one another and are still together. At the same time, there are others who could not accept that there is hope for their relationship, and they are in court. It is a reality that marriages as young as 6 months are crumbling. In fact, there is a case of a couple who courted for 3years and married in November and by March of the following year, they were separated. They are now living apart just waiting for the court to annul the marriage.

Some of the reasons for the high rate of divorce we have today could be as follows;

The parties are ignorant of what marriage is all about. They go into it with a mind set and believe things must work in their favour. I once met a man who married because he expected his wife to treat him the way his mother treated him. When the wife could not meet his expectations, he filed for divorce.

Secondly, our women have become empowered economically and they no longer depend on their men to meet their needs. With a good job and a good pay, a woman can get whatever she wants out of life without depending on a husband.

Another reason is that divorce is no longer a thing of shame. Today, parents advise their daughters to return home if the marriage does not work. Even the church, no longer refers to divorce as an abomination because even pastors are now filing for divorce.

Some of the young men are lazy and think marriage will afford them the comfort of life because their wives will take care of them. They regard marriage as an escape route from the challenges they may be facing in life. Many of the young men live in houses paid for by their wives and yet they say they are the head of the home. That is a joke.

Lack of communication is another factor. Many couples live together and yet act as strangers before each other. One party does not know what the other is doing.

I believe that it will take the fear of God and personal commitment for marriages to survive today. It therefore takes a woman who is disciplined, fears God and believes in the institution of marriage to be able to submit herself to the authority of a man who may not be earning as much as she does. Many of the men are not mature enough and I am not talking in terms of age only, most our men are not mentally ready for the demands and challenges of married life. They think that since they conquered the field when they were bachelors even as married men, they should not be answerable to anybody, No! A union in which a man does not have a sense of responsibility towards the wife cannot be a peaceful or happy one. It cannot last.

Marriage is a contract and each party involved has a role to play if not, it wouldn’t work. There has to be agreement on nearly every issue, be it monetary, number of children, where to live etc. They have to recognise the supremacy of the Almighty and know that they have an adversary called Satan, who is out to destroy their marriage. The dependence on God for the marriage to work cannot be over emphasised.

Culled from: Leadership newspaper

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